Faith for the Faithless

“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.”
― J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird

“A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Faith and the lack thereof is something I feel very passionately about - how to find some faith when you're tapped.

For me, faith has always been fairly easy to come by. It's an interesting juxtaposition because I've had a messy life. When I made my own messes and f*cked everything up, there was always a perfect book

(like this: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=267)


or a great podcast (like this: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=7772) or a conference to attend (like this: http://www.hayhouse.com/event_details.php?event_id=1916).

And I got results. I cleaned up my thoughts. I believed in higher powers. I believed in the beauty of my own dreams. And every single time I followed what the spiritual literature recommended, things in my life improved.

These are very important first steps on the path. And for some people, they may be the only steps necessary to get the life you've always dreamed of.

For the rest of us (hands up), life does not always work out. Sometimes, as clean as our thoughts are, as many books as we read, Life will still disappoint us. Bad things will happen to good people. Life will have lessons in store for us that will make absolutely no sense.

This happened to me quite recently. Something that I wanted very badly and believed in to the point where I literally didn't consider any alternative was taken away from me. It had already been integrated into my existence and having it yanked out from under me literally threw me into a full-on crisis of faith. It was easier to have faith when I was screwing up. To have faith when I'd done nothing "wrong" was another beast entirely.

Here's how I'm clawing my way back from faithlessness:

- find something, anything to have faith in. Perhaps your faith in God is shattered and you'd like to spit in Buddha's chubby, happy face. But there is always something you can put faith in. I had faith in the good in my friends and family even when my faith in the goodness of the Universe was tested to max capacity. Perhaps it's a pet or a yoga teacher or a stranger (warning: don't stalk. it exacerbates the problem). Whatever it is, cling to it until you can believe in Life again. Connection is key here, especially if you want to isolate.

It's easy to have faith in this chick

-get outside. This is crucial for me. When I'm feeling cooped up in my life, it usually means I've been cooping myself up indoors. I know it gets more difficult to force ourselves outside for those of us who live in parts of the world where it's getting to be not-so-nice weather-wise. Do it anyway. Get your feet wet and dirty (barefoot if at all possible without risking losing digits to frostbite). Nature is healing. It's been scientifically proven many times over. Moreover, I've proven it to myself. Even if the best you can do is sit outside and cry. Do it anyway.

-don't read the comforting stuff if it pisses you off. Instead, read some stuff about some people who've had a hard time and somehow managed to make it back
(I recommend this book http://serabeak.com/red-hot-and-holy/ for its irreverence and get-down-to-itness)

-find something purposeful to throw yourself into. It really does help to help other people. If you can't go that far, find a project that you're excited by (even if it's just a little one). Get crafty, get creative, sing in the shower.

-I found it immensely comforting to realize that sometimes, life's just not all that fair. But it's still good. Remember what you have. In fact...

-Make a list. Go ahead. Right now. List the few, tiny things that you're able to be grateful for.

Here's mine:
*good coffee
*friends that make me laugh
*Community (if you haven't already, do it. It's on Netflix)
*my garden (I'm going to count it until the bitter end)

-sometimes, the only thing to do is to have a cry. Sometimes, it needs to be days and days worth of tears. I highly suggest you find someone to hang onto while you cry. Even if it's your cat.

One day, in spite of our intentions to remain hopeless forever, the light trickles its way back in. Be patient with yourself while you're in the process and please, please, know that you're not alone.

"Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in". - Leonard Cohen

I promise it will get better. I really do. I've been there.

Love to hear your coping strategies,

Er

***PS Our new home is coming along beautifully. Fingies crossed we'll be go for launch by next week***

Why I go to Therapy (and you should too)

-Emma Forrest Your Voice in my Head (which is, incidentally, a brilliant memoir about therapy)

I've been at least moderately messed up for a good chunk of my adult life. More disastrous than some, less of a train wreck than others. Sometimes just an endearing little f*ck-up. Sometimes an outwardly together, closeted basket-case. Sometimes in full-on breakdown to the point that my friend, J affectionately calls me, "Roadkill".

 

 

"Erin, people escape themselves through the over-indulgence in drugs, alcohol, television, food, books, sex, work, exercise...what's your addiction?" -My First Therapist

-Me (in response)
"Do I have to pick just one?"

 

I've been in and out of therapy various times for various reasons in various degrees of f*ck-up-edness so I'm in a perfect position to recommend it to you.

 

Gentle Reader. You do not need therapy because you are some kind of broken. YOU ARE A DIVINE PIECE OF LIFE'S GRANDEST HOPES FOR ITSELF. Chances are, you've forgotten this tidbit. I forgot it a few times and therein lies the trouble.

 

"Erin, do you know what you're REALLY addicted to?" -My Second Therapist

-Me (in response)
"uh....."

"drama." - My Second Therapist (in response to my slack-jawed response)

-Me

"Ouch...yeah..."

Hi, my name is Erin and I'm a drama-holic

 

 

My ego really used to run the whole show. It's a clever little ego.

 

 

 

Sometimes I forgot about Real Love altogether and focused every ounce of my energy on what A Course in Miracles calls  the "special relationship". Essentially the special relationship is when my ego gets together with another ego and we have this big, dramatic ego dance. If you are me, you eventually run straight for the hills and straight into another even specialer relationship.

 

Therapy has brought me closer to my real self. It has given me a dialogue to have with myself and my loved ones which gets me closer to what ACIM calls a "Holy Relationship" which means that rather than our egos doing the whiny poopy baby dance, our Spirits get to hang out for the sole purpose of getting us closer who we truly are.

 

It's a far preferable option. 

 

 (not even trying to make crazy eyes...)

Some Things I love About Therapy.

(And I think you will too)

 

1. It is intense self-care

 

We've very nearly gotten to the point where we can justify carving out time to care for our bodies without apologising for it. Doesn't it stand to reason that our minds and hearts deserve just as much TLC? There's still a stigma attached, but let's just ditch that for good. It's not serving anybody to fake happy.

 

2. It's an investment

 

Think of it this way: in therapy, you're spending your money on an hour's worth of conversation about anything that's stuck in your craw with someone who has no agenda other than your successful journey into yourself.

 

**Yes, I'm sure there are some less than reputable people in this profession. I've noticed, however that when I put the sincere intention out there to find a trustworthy guide, one always shows up.**

 

3. It's probably covered

 

I'll bet that if you have extended benefits through work (in BC) that you have some coverage available for counselling.

 

If not, look into it at your University, community mental health organisation, religious organisation or speak with your physician. There's coverage available for this stuff, people! Lets use it!

 

4. Insight

 

"Erin, you put other people's feelings ahead of your own"

Do you do this too? It's generally thought of as a positive, generous way to show up in the world, right? Except if, like me, it means that you stay in a situation looooooong after it's stopped serving you to the point of self-destruction.

 

Therapists point this stuff out.  (So does Nina Simone)

 

 

 

Maybe this isn't your particular hang-up. Maybe your hang-up is something completely different. It probably is. But paying someone to spell it out for you is mightily helpful when it comes to healing those bastard hang-ups.

 

*Note: I am also an enthusiastic over-reactor

 

 

I had undiagnosed depressive episodes several times in my life, until my therapist told me:

 

-You're not sleeping

-You can't concentrate (I hadn't read a novel in SIX MONTHS)

-You're not eating

-You get every single cold bug that floats around on the breeze?

 

These weren't questions. He was straight up telling me.

 

It was such a relief. As my friend, J says, "You can't hit what you can't see." I couldn't see it until I talked to someone who knew the score.

 

5. You. Are. Whole.

 

Did I mention that already? It bears repeating. Sometimes we need to be reminded by someone who has made his/her life's work to care.

 

If you're anything like me (and I'm going to go ahead and assume that you are to some degree since you're reading my blog) you're on a lifelong quest into the heart of yourself. How you get there is up to you.  As Gandhi said, "Truth is one, paths are many". It can be a tough slog. Uphill, both ways, barefoot in the snow. If you're on this trek, guaranteed you will occasionally put barriers in your own way. So why not use every, single resource at your disposal in order to fumble your way toward grace?

 

Perhaps you're wondering, "Why is she telling the world all about her foibles?"

I really just want you to feel less alone. If we're all authentic with one another about our bruises, we can at the very least bear witness to one another's struggles and realize that we're all in it together.

”I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love.” ~ Gandhi

 

Got your back,

 

-Er